You know how I measure maturity?
By how much or little people are assholes when things end.
End things gracefully.
If you end them like a disrespectful asshole, you're not only spitting on your values that you're preaching or "trying" (bahhh this word...do it or don't and see what will be but fuck trying) but you are also NOT WORSHIPPING WHAT WAS.
I realized one part of this last year when I broke up. Yeah, break-ups no matter if in friendships, romantic relationships or family can be very emotional and ego-loaded BUT TADAAA U KNOW WHAT SURPRISE SURPRISE THIS IS THE FUCKING SPIRITUAL PRACTICE.
Here you go, practice.
Practice the goddess thing.
Practice the love thing.
Practice the WORTH AND VALUING thing.
Practice being respectful. Practice seeing your fucking ego and allowing yourself to burn instead of being a reactive asshole.
Sometimes people feel I am very though with my boundaries and that I'm very protective of my time. Yup. Because I know how it feels to be co-dependent and doing things that feel like a fucking no - I needed another reminder this summer and this made me check-in with mySelf again.
Friendships ending - EASY.
I don't need anyone.
Chhinnamasta - the Goddess in my Insta name cuts off her head and she's not sad about the worldly stuff, she's more happy, alive and blissful because she's completely immersed and drunk in love with the Universe. Not planning to cut off my head literally but I don't need people around me anymore.
I see that in the past I only kept some friendships because I was scared of being alone. I'm not scared of this anymore and truly rather be alone. Of course I appreciate connection - but meaningful connection. This doesn't mean for me I have to live with someone or talk all the time or whatever - I enjoyed for example in Bali as in Goa to just float, ground, do my stuff, connect in yin journey, kirtan or ecstatic dance on a level that is deeper than just going out for a superficial drink (which can be deep too! but 99,9% of my meetings in the past haven't been that!).
So I'm having really interesting experiences with people not being able to integrate feedbacks but rather feed their egos, people feeling very triggered by me bc I actually don't give a shit to comfort their egos by playing the game of "I gave you something now you have to give something back to me blablabla*.
Wow. This experience made me truly sorry for all the moments I've been expecting stuff from people - I'm sorry, please forgive me, I didn't know better because I love to give from my heart - best for me only if I'm invited to give. Another learning. Give if the other person wants it. Respect if not. If you give, give but if you expect something in return, check-in what's there empty really.
I want to free you from my expectations.
You're not here to give me anything. And so am I not.
Let's share what comes from the heart.
And if not, let's be radical Self-honest.
Ego games can be very subtle.
You can do as much yoga, reiki, meditation, women's circles and other spiritual shit as you please and have time. But it's in the moments that our ego gets triggered the most, we evolve if we choose to not just be an asshole.
It's not easy.
Because it's not how we learned things. But trust me there is enough for you
I have a very strong sense for justice
So for me sometimes it's hard to believe how people behave
Remember to honor your endings.
There was love.
There was something really good.
See that and then go.
If not you're just being slave of your ego again and again and again...
You spit on yourSelf.
Oh spiritual people
is best practiced
Empty words are just that - empty.
Go live it,
go practice it
Don't complain if you get the real chance to practice.
Give thanks to the Goddess - Jai Ma Kali - thanks for your radical transformation
May your sword keep cutting through my ego illusions
May you help me see through my own bullshit
And may you help me burn what's not serving me anymore