I've been listening a lot to the song "Don't Die Curious" by Tom Rosenthal and slowly I'm kinda getting what he means. Or maybe it's just what I get out of it :)
What does it mean to not die curious?
It means for me to not wake up every day and ask yourself what COULD HAVE BEEN.
How often do we really jump for the unknown? For the heart? I get challenged all over again and again right now in my life and it has to do especially with my love life & my relationship with men.
I'm digging right now really deep into a childhood trauma and kinda for the first time acknowledged that in my past and also now I feel often alone and not like belonging. So I do my own thing... But actually, I'd love to connect with someone deeper. A partner. But when it kinda got serious this winter, I pulled back out of fear to lose my freedom. I've been programmed that to be loved means to be boxed. I also don't like to get gifts (even give) because I kinda have attached to it that this means someone wants to take something from me. And I can only be loved if I fulfill this expectation.
Puhh... I'm changing my mood towards it like 5x a day and it's a bit exhausting. But probably the 1st step is accepting that. And also I'm now I'm moving towards taking my power back and really cultivating self-love by centering myself, keep my meditation practice up and just surrender more. I try to control so much and it exhausts me. It makes me feel so tired, heavy, restless and really unhappy.
So what helped me today to lift my mood:
*Berry-Banana-Raw-Cacao-Moringa-Smoothie (wow crazy how clear it made my mind!)
*Walks, wine, picnics & coffee by the river with friends & simply opening up about my struggles at the moment
*Just lying on the grass and feeling the sun on my skin
*Journaling is a really big and important one - writing down whatever I feel and goes through my head
*WALKING - I walked over 10km yesterday - BAREFOOT - my feet hurt from the asphalt but all the moving helped me a LOT
*Got inspired on Instagram by this amazing Breathwork Trio from Bali & joining their amazing breathwork experience tomorrow in Zurich - so maybe check it out as well! :) time to let go!
//written in Zurich, Switzerland 04/20/2018 //